Aloha to all of my Bad Relationship Advice (B.R.A.) readers and Podcast listeners! I’ve just returned from the most magical, steamy honeymoon on the Big Island of Hawaii, which makes it the perfect time to share with you my 10 tips to turning up the orgasmic heat on your next tropical getaway. You’ll want to book your tickets and pack your bags A.S.A.P. after reading this advice on achieving increased intimacy and (hopefully) great sex on your next vacation!
1. Ditch the Electronics – This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at how many couples don’t do it. Traveling with your lover to a warm destination is a great opportunity to switch the auto-reply to “out of office,” unsync your notifications, and reconnect with each other. Go ahead, document parts of your trip and share experiences with your millions of Instagram followers, then put the fu*king phone away. There’s no intimacy-killer quite like two people staring at screens instead of connecting one-on-one. Hot tip: try lengthening the amount of time you make eye contact; it’s been shown to increase sexual attraction. If you must keep your phone on, turn it to silent and check only when necessary. Avoid even the temptation to switch on your hotel TV or the insistence of constant background music. Take in the sights, sounds, and smells of your environment and be mindfully in the moment. May I also suggest foregoing the AC for open windows? Give it a try at least once or twice.
2. Pack Sexy Essentials – Worried about a vibrator buzzing in your carry on? Don’t fret; the TSA’s seen it all. The good news? It’s completely allowable in both your checked or carry on baggage! If you’re legit mortified by the thought of a TSA bag search, stow it away in your checked luggage. Vacation can be a great time to strip your inhibitions, and sex toys or lubricant can help spark sexual creativity. In fact, adding a quality lube to your repertoire can improve your experience by elevating pleasure and sensations. Even if you think you don’t usually “need” it, lube is clutch in situations when the body’s arousal response doesn’t cooperate with vaginal lubrication. Really, it’s a great addition for people of all sexes for many purposes and my point is – buy it. It’s important to find a lubricant free from ingredients that are toxic to your body. Many poorly-designed drug store brands can actually have the opposite effect of drying genital tissue, contain harmful parabens, or throw off the pH balance for people with vaginas. My personal suggestion is this silicone lubricant by Sliquid Naturals. It’s safe with condom use, contains quality ingredients and is great in or out of the water! Did someone say shower sex??
3. Get Wet – Seriously, take a shower together; it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to penetrative intercourse, but consider this a foreplay activity. Had a long day of exploring, getting sweaty or dirty? Step into the steamy streams and take turns washing each-other’s body; you can incorporate massage here as well (the silicone lube works well for this!) Try getting creative in your lodging choices and look for a VRBO or Airbnb that offers exclusive privacy with an outdoor shower for you and your lover. Picture yourself taking a hot shower together, overlooking the ocean and listening to the sounds of a nearby waterfall, as you can do at this Airbnb spot located on the island of Hawaii: Aloha Nature Lovers
4. Foreplay All Day – Unfortunately, foreplay is grossly interpreted as a 5-minute thing you do before intercourse that can be ineffective for many people when executed in such a short window of time. Fortunately, I’m here to tell you that you can engage in foreplay with your partner ALL. THE. TIME.
The added advantage of being mentally and physically on vacation-mode is that many everyday stressors that fill our minds with endless worrying and anxiety disappear in a state of obligation-less relaxation, increasing the effectiveness of simple foreplay gestures. Flirting, eye contact, hand-holding, kissing, spanking, massage, dirty talk, wearing a sexy outfit, taking nude photos of each other, purchasing a surprise gift – all of these things can count as foreplay in the game of “how to turn my partner on.” (Did anyone else picture a cheesy game show host with a dildo microphone? No? You did now.) For many couples, penetrative sex is not the end-game, so defining what foreplay means to you will look differently than it does to someone else. Looking for insight on what sparks the flame in your lover? Take the 5 Love Languages quiz and compare each other’s assessment.
5. Be Naked Together as Often as Possible – Does the constraint of society-obligated clothing get you down like it does me? Sure, we see our partner naked daily as they get out of the shower or converse over their morning poop while you brush your teeth, but that’s a different kind of naked. Vacation-naked is the sexy kind that entices you to drink your coffee in the nude while on the balcony of your Airbnb together. Vacation-naked is the kind that doesn’t care how many dimples you have on your thighs because, damn! Those dimples are sexy as fu*k. Now, that’s what I’m talking about! It’s easy to get in our heads self consciously and hide our bodies on the daily, so take the opportunity of vacation to find comfort in your own skin. A tropical, balmy climate can feel absolutely incredible in the nude and it’s quite convenient when things start to get hot. Nude beach nearby? Go for it!
6. Utilize your Accommodations – You may not want to admit it but yes, many people have been doin’ the dirty in that bed long before your arrival. That’s because changing up your physical environment is an exciting opportunity to try new things in the bedroom. OH! What luck you’ll have when you find that your hotel accommodations come with a bedside mirror. Seeing the expressions you or your partner make while getting it on can be an exhilarating experience in itself. Explore the room and maybe you’ll find that the ottoman is the perfect height for a new position. Use your environment to investigate creative ways to bring each other to orgasm, you wont regret it! Or maybe you will… that’s why I call this blog “Bad Relationship Advice.” [You’ve been warned.]
7. Welcome Bad Weather as an Opportunity for Adventure – Nobody plans for rain on their tropical vacation, but stormy skies are par for the course. Did you have a beach day planned? Too freaking bad. Suck it up and make a plan B. Hop in your rental car and pick a destination. Try a new restaurant or go for a hike. Spontaneity is the spice of life, and as is life, not everything can be predicted. Take the opportunity to put on your adventure pants, pack your poncho, and get outdoors. Torrential rain got you stuck inside? Play a game of strip poker and listen to the stormy sounds on the tin roof of your rental, or open the patio door of your hotel room and enjoy the smell of the rain. One important aspect of achieving pleasurable intimacy with your significant other while on vacation is your outlook in unexpected situations, like bad weather or cancelled plans. If you can happily play in the puddles, you’re on the right track.
8. Use All of Your Senses – If you haven’t noticed yet, mindfulness is a common theme in this post: sight, scent, touch, taste, sound- all of these can be used to your advantage when getting intimate on your vacation. Wake up early, catch a sunrise together on a warm blanket and peacefully take in the beauty of this rock called Earth. Grab the ice bucket from the hotel room and play with cold temperatures on your tongue. Give each other sensual massages without the immediate goal of penetrative intercourse; the anticipation can be very arousing. Play with yourself while your partner watches (the toys and lube you packed come in handy here!) Put on a blindfold and pay attention to the sound of your heavy breathing and the touch of your partner’s skin against yours. Want something extra fun? If you’re the adventurous camping type, you may already own a headlamp. Check to see if your headlamp has a red light setting, turn down the room lights, and have yourself a little red light special. If you don’t already have one of these in your arsenal, you can find them on Amazon relatively inexpensively.
9. Take an Evening Swim – When visiting tropical destinations, it’s inevitable that you’ll have opportunities to swim in the ocean, a pool, or perhaps even a natural freshwater pond. If you’re in a busy resort with kids splashing about, waiting until sunset or after is a great time to hit the beach or pool together. Sneak away to the water and dip your toes in for a romantic evening swim. The anonymity of the dark atmosphere is a fun opportunity to be slightly naughty in a potentially public area. Swimming in the ocean at night can be thrilling and sometimes chilly, even more reason to keep each other close!
10. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone – You’ve been waiting months for this vacation and the time has finally arrived. Now what? ADVENTURE! Testing your limits together is great way to grow in your relationship, increase communication, and add some excitement. Try something new. Even better, make it a physical activity to get your endorphins and adrenaline pumping. Go on a challenging hike, skydive, rock climb, river kayak, or sit on the edge of a cliff. The feeling of exhilaration you’ll both have after returning from your breathtaking adventure will almost certainly inspire some sexual energy.
There you have it! Those are my 10 tips to spice up your next tropical lovers getaway. But you didn’t think I’d leave you without an intentional piece of bad advice, did you? This is, after all, the Bad Relationship Advice Blog…
So here it is: While on your next couple’s vacation, drink two bottles of champagne and lots of vodka cocktails at the pool while being in the sun all day, then realize your going to be late for your 6 pm sunset snorkeling excursion. Call a cab because now you’re too wasted to drive your rental car, show up to your tour totally drunk, and then get stranded in a dark parking lot afterwards because you realize that there are no nearby Lyfts or Ubers on the island. It’s really fun. I promise.
PS – Don’t forget to check out the podcast on iTunes, Google Play, or wherever you download your podcasts. New episodes coming in March of 2019!